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How Do I Know I Have Been Abused?


By: Child-line (South African charity)

Some people think that children are only abused by strangers, but sometimes the person who has abused you is a friend of your parents or even a family member, like an uncle or auntie, or even a parent.

If you are abused, you will probably feel hurt, sad, angry, scared and sick inside. You may even feel like it is your fault. But it is NOT YOUR FAULT and you do not deserve to be abused. Remember that you CAN get help by talking to someone who cares, like an adult you trust.

There are 4 different kinds of abuse:

Sex Abuse

Sex Abuse is when an adult shows you his or her private parts or wants to see your private parts.

Sex Abuse is also if an adult touches your private parts.

Sex Abuse is if an adult shows you videos or pictures of people having sex or takes photographs or videos of your private parts.

Your private parts are the parts of your body covered by your swimming costume.

Sex Abuse is WRONG and it is AGAINST THE LAW!

No adult or older child has the right to touch your private parts or show you their private parts, even if they are a member of your family.

Sometimes, a person who abuses children tells you not to tell anyone and that you must keep it a secret. Don't listen to them! You must tell someone about what has happened. You should not keep bad secrets. These people KNOW what they are doing to you is wrong and they are sick people who need help from a counselor.

If anyone does these things, you must tell Mom or Dad or an adult friend.

You need to be helped if something bad like this happens to you, otherwise you will have a lot of hurt and anger inside of you and this could cause you a lot of problems, now and when you grow up. Keep on telling until somebody listens to you and believes you.

Remember that it is NOT YOUR FAULT that this is happening to you and you have not done anything to deserve it. A lot of child abusers try to make you feel guilty, like it is your fault it happened - don't listen to them.

Physical Abuse

Physical Abuse is when you are:

  • Beaten or hit with anything (like for example: a stick, a belt, a shambock or a fist)
  • Burned with anything (like for example a cigarette, hot iron or anything else that burns your skin)
  • Kicked or bitten, or shaken hard
  • Stuck with pins (or anything sharp)
  • Strangled
  • Suffocated (when you cannot breathe)
  • Tied up
  • Locked into a small space where you can't get out
  • Hurt so badly that you are killed

If any of these things are happening to you, you are being physically abused.

No one is allowed to abuse you physically and there is no excuse for anyone treating a child this way. They are breaking THE LAW. You must tell an adult friend you trust.

Emotional Abuse

Emotional Abuse is when your parents (or the adults you stay with) don't give you any love and affection. It is also when they shout at you or use bad language to you and call you nasty names that make you feel bad about yourself.

Emotional Abuse is when your parents (or the adults you stay with) make you feel like they don't care about you or don't want you around.

Emotional Abuse is when your parents (or the adults you stay with) lie to you or threaten you. It is also when they manipulate you.

Emotional Abuse is when parents (or the adults you stay with) don't tell you clearly what the rules of your house are, for example: one day you are allowed to eat sweets and then the next day - for no reason and without explaining to you why - you are not allowed to any more.

If any of these things are happening to you, you are being emotionally abused.

No one is allowed to abuse you emotionally and there is no excuse for anyone treating a child this way. They are breaking THE LAW. You must tell an adult friend you trust.

Neglect

You are neglected if:

  • There is not an adult or one of your parents with you to watch over you and take care of you, e.g. if your parents go out shopping and they don't leave anyone in the house to look after you.
  • You are not protected from people hurting you.
  • You are not given enough clean clothes to wear to protect you from the cold and wind.
  • You are not given enough food to eat.
  • There is no clean toilet for you to use and nowhere to bath/shower or wash yourself. (If you are too young to be able to wash yourself or go to the toilet on your own, someone must help you.)
  • You are not in school.
  • You are not taken to the doctor when you are feeling sick and you are not given any medicine to make you better.
  • You are not taken to the dentist for your teeth to be checked or if your teeth are hurting.
  • You are not allowed to get enough sleep.
  • Parents or other adults drive with you in the car when they are drunk or when they have taken drugs.
  • You are not given enough emotional support, kindness and encouragement.

It is the responsibility of your parents (or the adults you stay with) to take good care of you. And it is THE LAW. If any of these things are happening to you, you are not being properly taken care of.

You must tell an adult friend you trust.