From Weymouth tragedy comes help for grieving kids and parents

March 08-- Mar. 8--MILTON -- After their 6-year-old daughter, Joanna, was murdered in 2007, Heather and Jerry Mullin immediately started counseling with Milton resident Maria Trozzi, who guided the Weymouth couple on how to talk to their son, Jeffrey, about his sister.

"The first thing Maria said was that children model our behavior, so if we talk about it, they will feel comfortable talking about it," Heather Mullin said during an interview in Trozzi's Milton apartment. "As a parent, you try so hard to fix everything, and the kids want it back to normal."

The success of the counseling inspired Trozzi and the Mullins to launch Joanna's Place, a nonprofit that for roughly a decade has served families in 20 communities from Milton to Plymouth with free support groups, workshops and consultations for children and their families who are dealing with grief or stressful situations. The nonprofit uses school space in Milton to run its programs.

Trozzi, who guided the Mullins through those early difficult conversations with their three surviving children, the youngest of whom was born after Joanna's death, is the author of "Talking with Children About Loss," and founder of the nationally-known "Good Grief" program at Boston Medical Center. She specializes in resilience and said it's crucial for adults to have information about how they should behave and talk about loss and grief with children.

Joanna's Place offers two support groups for children and their parents: Circle-S serves children ages 6 to 18 who have a brother or sister with a significant special need, and Circle-G provides support for children and adolescents who are facing the loss of a parent or sibling. The programs were designed by Trozzi and are developmentally informed, meaning they are designed to support kids at each age and stage of development. Parents meet separately in a professionally-run circle.

Each support group has room for 10 families and runs for 10 weeks in the spring and fall. Trozzi said a professional runs each parent group, and volunteers trained by Trozzi oversee the children's groups. She said children are grouped by age and often do some type of activity, like making picture frames to remember their loved ones.

"When you see them making frames and talking in a way to unlock their feelings and realizing it's OK, that's powerful stuff," Trozzi said. "That's the magic of it: the parents learn, the kids talk about big feelings, and now they know how to talk about it on the car ride home."

Lauren Bartolotti, who facilitates the support circles, said the biggest benefit to parents is the connections they make and support they draw from each other.

"In the grief group, it's encouragement because they're all at different places in the grief journey, and those who have recently suffered the loss get strength and confidence from the people who are further out," she said. "The other group for families with a child with disabilities is about connecting with parents who get it, and understand the challenges and isolation it can bring. To have a space where they feel accepted and understood is rare."

Bartolotti said the children come out of the support circles realizing that they aren't the only ones who have had a parent die, or who have a disabled sibling. She said the children learn to articulate their feelings.

"It's not that you aren't feeling crappy anymore, but you can say 'I'm upset; I'm worried; I'm angry, and this is why,'" Bartolotti said.

Through Joanna's Place, Trozzi, who is the program director, also provides consultations for parents who need help talking to their kids about stressful life events, including divorce or sickness in the family. The single-session consultations are often done by phone. Trozzi said she provides at least 10 of these per month.

"It's about being honest, developmentally informed and sharing with children so they don't feel isolated," she said.

Mullin said Joanna's Place also provides financial assistance for immediate needs on a case-by-case basis.

Mullin and Trozzi said the decision to borrow space for the programs rather than open a brick and mortar Joanna's Place ensures that the organization can use their funding to help as many families as possible.

Each July, hundreds of motorcyclists come together for the annual motorcycle run benefiting Joanna's Place. This year's run, scheduled for July 13, will mark the 12th annual event.

"There are so many amazing cases, and it's just amazing to see these people come out year after year," Mullin said, adding that riders often come up to her and share their stories of grief. "It gives me goosebumps. People can all relate to loss, and before, they didn't have anywhere to go with it."

Mullin said the positive effect of counseling is evident in the way herl three children -- Jeffrey, now 16, James, 12, and Jayne, 10 -- talk about Joanna.

"James says he's able to talk about it with people and share as much or as little as he feels comfortable, and if we hadn't worked with Maria, I'd probably tell him not to talk about it," Mullin said.

To learn more about Joanna's Place, visit joannasplace.org.

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