Family born from tragedy Conneaut couple takes in two special needs boys after mom's overdose death

Sept. 09--CONNEAUT -- Less than three months ago, 5-year-old Ezra was a child without a home. Raised by an opioid-addicted mother who had worked to avoid children services, Ezra was deemed "feral" when first taken him into custody in June.

His behavior was so severe no foster family would take him in and almost 100 different agencies and special services turned him away, unable or unwilling to help. For a week, he lived in the children services building with social workers watching him in six- to eight-hour shifts. Casework Kerri Mongenel, who is not handling the case but wrote about Ezra's story on her popular social worker blog, called it the "children services apocalypse."

Yet in just a few short months Ezra, now surrounded by the love and support of his new family, is using words to communicate, smiling and giving hugs and kisses freely. Those involved say his journey shows not only the real cost of the opioid epidemic, but the way the community often steps up when no one else will.

'Apocalypse' now

On a Friday in June, Ezra's mother called children services to ask they come to a local hotel and take her children into custody.

When they arrived, caseworkers found Ezra, 5, and his brother Lain, 9 in "deplorable conditions." Both boys have now officially been diagnosed with autism, and at the time child services took them into custody they were "minimally verbal," Mongenel said.

The mother had been moving constantly between Lake and Ashtabula counties, so whenever a case was opened in one county the children services agency would refer it to the other, and when she got wind of it the woman would move again, Mongenel said. Lain had never even been to school.

This "county hopping" is quite common, Mongenel said. "There are families that slip through the cracks and it's no one's fault."

While Mongenel couldn't speak specifically to the mindset of Ezra's mother, she said in her experience most parents who are addicts don't want to be and go to great lengths to avoid losing their children. But eventually, reality will set in, they hit a wall and call children services to say "here they are, come get them."

"They reach a point when they're just tired," she said. "They don't want to be addicted to drugs. They don't want it for their kids or themselves, they just couldn't stop. ... Part of them is trying to protect the child from being taken away. They know what they're doing is wrong."

Ezra's father was an addict as well and died of a fatal overdose two years ago.

Ezra's frustrations at his situation manifested in aggressive behavior such as pinching and kicking. Hey drank only from faucets and was still in diapers. When offered food, he would eat nothing but Cool Ranch Doritos -- and no other flavors -- and even rejected McDonald's.

"I"ve never seen a kid turn away a McDonald's Happy Meal," she said.

Because the county does not have enough foster families in the best of cases, let alone when children have special needs, Ezra was taken several hours to an out-of-county foster placement. By that evening, the foster family called and said they could not keep Ezra because of his violent behavior, Mongenel said.

After experiencing the same thing with another foster family that Saturday, by Sunday Ezra was moved into the agency office, and an entire department was cordoned off for Ezra, as over the next week case workers tried more than 100 places across Ohio and neighboring states, and none would take him.

"We literally were calling it the 'children services apocalypse,'" Mongenel said.

On her blog she wrote, "It was heartbreaking. It was dumbfounding. Workers who have done this job for 25-plus years had never seen anything like this."

'Didn't scare us'

That's when a caseworker reached out to a friend about a kinship placement -- a placement with a non-foster family.

Marcy Fisher has three children of her own, Emily, 23, Jack, 13, and Nicole, 21, who is special needs herself. Fisher also had experience working in the school system with special needs children.

So, Marcy and her husband, Ed, came out to meet Ezra. The married couple has been together four years and did not have any children together.

Marcy said when they were first contacted they were "shocked," but after hearing his story decided they had to see Ezra. She they were a little concerned he was "feral" but the disabilities he had "didn't scare us."

Mongenel said their main concern was not the long list of Ezra's behavioral issues, but fear of getting too attached and then having him returned to his mother.

Right away when they met him, Ezra grabbed Ed's hands and they instantly fell in love with the 5-year-old.

"We both knew we could handle it, as long as we did it as a family," Marcy said.

While Ezra was "quite a handful" at first, "he's doing amazing now," Marcy said. The key is to have a schedule and be consistent with discipline, she said. If he wants something, he has to say the word for it, and he knows throwing a fit is no longer going to get what he wants handed to him.

"Ezra has come extremely far," she said, going from a wild child to little boy who comes up and says "kisses" and "hugs," Marcy said.

Ezra's palate also has expanded past Cool Ranch Doritos to graham crackers, broccoli and cheese rice and his favorite, according to Marcy and Ed, pizza. He is also drinking from a water bottle and sippy cup.

While he still has a lot of anxiety to work out -- elevators and big crowds are still an issue -- he has made large strides. Still, though he is now 6, he is more akin to a 2- or 3-year-old, Ed said, and he has not yet begun using sentences.

"It's from the neglect," he said. "He had to really fend for himself. He has a lot more street smarts ... he knew how to get what he wanted, just a survival instinct."

Mongenel sees the change as well.

"Ezra is a completely brand new child. He is calm, is not aggressive and is happy. Marcy and Ed are natural with him, and Marcy's children have adjusted well too," Mongenel wrote.

Family departed and reunited

While things have greatly turned around for Ezra, his story is not without more heartbreak.

Less than a week after Ezra had been placed with the Fishers, Marcy got a numbing call. Ezra's mother had overdosed and was dead. The child had now lost both his parents to drugs.

Marcy said when she learned of the woman's death she "balled and balled." While they have told Ezra, they said he does not really understand.

"We fell we have to mourn their mom for them, they just don't understand it. I think I have really had to do that," she said.

Along with grief, their thoughts immediately turned to Ezra's brother, Lain. They decided to bring him into their home as well.

Ed said the two boys went through extreme conditions throughout life together and the Fishers knew they needed each other.

"They survived together. ... They were like a pack, they fought for each other," he said. "They were all they had."

So, a few days after their mother died, Ezra and Lain were reunited. The Fishers are now going through the process to officially adopt both boys.

"The hardest part of this whole situation is these boys will never know and understand why they have us. God gave them to us for a reason, he knew we would love them unconditionally and try to give them everything," Marcy said.

While Lain had never been to school before this year and also has autism, he is higher functioning than Ezra. Lain is currently going to school full-time at Lakeshore Primary, where Marcy says he has already made a "best friend."

Ezra, meanwhile, has begun kindergarten, going for about an hour per day, splitting time between therapy and the classroom.

Marcy said her son Jack was unsure about what to expect at first, as he had always told his mom he wanted to be her youngest. But he has taken to Ezra and the role of big brother, his family said.

Emily, Marcy's oldest adult daughter, said while she thought he mother was "crazy" to take on the boys at first, they have all fallen in love with them. Emily often comes over to help, and has been surprised at how much they have bonded.

"It brought us together as a family. We're spending more time together," she said, adding, "It's easier than I thought it would be. They fit in very well with us."

Mongenel said she has been amazed by the family.

"It takes a very special person to take on boys like this and thrive," she said.

Home renovations

The biggest concern with putting their new, blended family together is space. Marcy and Ed had been renovating their home and it had only two bedrooms upstairs, so they had been sleeping in the living room. Ezra and Lain have since joined them.

"It's been hard because our house is so tiny that we're in now," Marcy said. "It's quite cramped. That's our only obstacle."

Mongenel said caseworkers began reaching out to see what could be done to help the family. Initial plans to put an addition on the house were scuttled for logistical reasons.

That's when a friend of Ed's came forward. His mother had died recently and he was willing to sell the larger house to the Fishers. The home needs work, including a bathroom remodeling to accommodate children with special needs and a fence because it is near Route 20 and Ezra can be known to take off running at times. It also needs to have walls moved in the upstairs bedrooms, an additional bedroom for Marcy and Ed and electrical repairs.

Mongenel said a GoFundMe account (www.gofundme.com/Elamshomerenovations) has been created to cover the cost of materials and New Leaf Methodist Church is spearheading the project and actual work. Volunteers and monetary donations are being sought.

Ann Wiley, of New Leaf, said the church does a lot of mission work, so when children services called looking for help it made sense to do so locally.

"This family is doing something a lot of people wouldn't do," she said, adding, "Our mission is 'Love the Lord, love one another.' This is part of love one another."

To help, visit the GoFundMe page or email email wileyinsurance@roadrunner.com.

Mongenel said she doesn't fixate on the need to crowdsource or the lack of resources available -- Ohio is dead last in the nation for child welfare funding. Instead, the thought process is always finding ways to be creative.

"That's what our community does," she said. "We have to figure out how to make it work for our kids and we do."

Mongenel added that she felt compelled to do what they could for the Fishers as far as helping with a bigger home because "I feel like they kind of saved the world."

The cost of addiction

While Mongenel said there has been a gradual decrease in opioid cases in recent months, she said there has been a resurgence with meth, calling it a "waxing and waning effect."

But the strain the drug epidemic has left on the system is still there.

"We struggle with basic (foster) placements," she said.

She said part of the issue is many otherwise willing families are reluctant to foster because they might not be a "traditional" household. Mongenel encouraged those interested to reach out about fostering and said children services will work to find the right fit.

Ed Fisher said part of the reason they want to share their story is so people can see first hand what addiction and the drug epidemic has cost the community.

"It's not just us, it's everybody," he said.

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