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A Las Cruces family's experience with autism during a pandemic

Las Cruces Sun-News - 7/25/2020

LAS CRUCES - When 15-year-old Destiny Richard first heard about the novel coronavirus pandemic that had closed schools and quarantined most of the nation, including New Mexico by mid-March, she didn't understand it.

"I was relaxed though -- indifferent even. Then I started to feel uncomfortable, since I wasn't used to how to do school and that (stuff), but now I'm pretty used to (it) and I still have hope," she said.

A sophomore at Centennial high school, Destiny, is a student with autism. She loves school, her friends and her favorite subject is math.

Since being out of school, Destiny said she misses spending time with her friends face-to-face and has had to learn how to stay connected in ways that don't necessarily make sense to her.

Helping her through the pandemic is her mother, Celmari Lopez, and her younger sister, Ariya Richard, 12, who attends Vista Middle School.

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention website, autism spectrum disorder is a developmental disability that can cause significant social, communication and behavioral challenges.

Students with autism may communicate, interact, behave and learn in ways that are different from most other people.

In the United States, one in 54 people are on the autism spectrum, according to the CDC website.

A mother's concern

When schools closed because of the pandemic, Lopez said she was worried that Destiny might regress, because she's a very routine-based individual.

"So even during summer breaks, as short as they are, we regress a lot," Lopez said. "Even during the school year, if Destiny forgets how to do her daily living functions -- combing her hair, brushing her teeth, making a sandwich -- I know that there is a subject in school that's kind of draining her energy and so her basic life functions kind of take a back seat," Lopez said.

Keeping Destiny's brain stimulated so she doesn't lose what she'd gained in ninth grade was a huge worry for Lopez. But, even though there have been some big regressions, it's manageable.

"We'll figure it out, we'll get through it," Lopez said.

To help Destiny combat regression, Lopez said they use a lot of charts and dry erase boards, and they have access to different programs on the computer to keep things going -- because once they stop, things start going backward.

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She was concerned about the challenges Destiny might face, and whether the family would be able to get the support they'd need.

"Because with this pandemic you don't know what help you're going to need or if that help is going to be available," Lopez said.

Learning to teach

During a normal school year, Destiny takes classes regular ed classes, but she has a "plus-one teacher" with her most of the time.

"It's a two-teacher team in all her core classes. Now that we've transitioned, it was basically a teacher online and then me at home," Lopez said.

The transition for Lopez was made easier, in some ways, because she was also home from work for two months, due to the quarantine. But, on the other hand, it was difficult because she didn't remember much of what her daughters were learning from her own time in school.

In many respects, Lopez said learning how to teach her daughters from home during the pandemic was like a crash course in learning how to be a teacher.

"But being able to sit down and listen to her teachers reexplain this stuff -- it sparked a memory. We got through it very well," Lopez said.

Now that she's back at work and school is about to start up again, Lopez said she's a little worried because Destiny will have to do school on her own.

"Hopefully we pushed enough and gave enough ideas so that she can do it on her own," Lopez said.

Making friends in a pandemic

Lopez said students with autism want to be included, but might not know how to do so.

"They tend to be loners. And, with this, it kind of woke up the sense in her that, 'I don't want to be alone. I need to broaden my horizon of friends. I need to try and socialize more,'" Lopez said.

As someone who thrives on face-to-face communication, making and keeping friends has been hard for her daughter while in quarantine.

Destiny has had to take the initiative to reach out to friends more often. This was difficult at first, because she didn't have phone numbers -- and even speaking to someone over the phone is a somewhat foreign concept for her daughter to understand, Lopez said.

"She needs that face-to-face contact. She's a very, very visual learner -- just very visual. So to be able to grab the phone and talk to somebody, it's very hard for her. Even just putting the phone to her ears, it just doesn't make sense," Lopez said.

Little by little, though, Lopez said they're starting to get friends' phone numbers. And her daughter has even made a new friend.

Friend request

Recently, a community member whose sister is on the autism spectrum posted a message on the Las Cruces Community Watch Facebook page stating that, since being in quarantine, her sister has also had difficulty making friends.

The poster asked the community if they knew anyone who'd be willing to be friends with her sister.

Lopez said she reached out to the poster, and the two girls have now connected in friendship.

Lopez said she knows that Destiny has been lonely because of the pandemic, but most kids don't want to talk about things that interest her. So she was pleased when the person posted on Facebook.

"When she finds somebody who's on the same level as her, it's a colorful conversation and you can see their needs are met. That social need is met, and it's a really good feeling to see your kid just brighten up and be excited to talk to someone that shares the same monotone dialogue that they give off," Lopez said.

Destiny said she's happy to have made a new friend.

"I have somebody to talk to that shares some things in common that I can understand -- other than my best friend, who I talk to a lot," she said.

Making a new friend during the pandemic was a little surprising, Destiny said.

Prior to the pandemic, Destiny said she'd get lonely at times when her best friend wasn't around or she was in a class where she didn't feel needed.

In some respects, it's been a positive

Destiny said the pandemic has, in some ways, been a positive experience for her, because it has forced her to reach out to others more -- and in different ways than she was comfortable with before.

The Facebook friendship is a whole different realm for the two girls, Lopez said.

"I think both of them are very visual, and now they're having to learn each other through texts. Destiny, specifically, feeds off her senses. She needs to smell it, she needs to feel it, she needs to see it," Lopez said.

Lopez said to become friends with someone whom you can't see or touch in person is taking extra effort for Destiny, but it isn't impossible.

"We're having to do things that she doesn't know how to do," Lopez said.

A sister's love

Ariya has also helped Destiny through the process of going through the pandemic.

"I will give her suggestions on things to watch, or show her things I like to watch. Sometimes we'll be doing activities together, like building or... baking," Ariya said.

Lopez said Ariya helps Destiny maintain friendships that she already has by encouraging her to stay in contact with them.

"She (Ariya) kind of jolts Destiny's memory a little bit as to what she can do to create a different friendship, to keep the energy alive in their relationship," Lopez said.

Resources for families

Since the closure of school buildings in March, Las Cruces Public Schools has been working on resources for families who have students with autism. They currently have two Facebook groups for this community: The Las Cruces Autism Facebook group and Las Cruces Autism Education at Home.

"The Las Cruces Autism page has a lot of information for community resources, what we have for outreach programs here in the community and ways they can assist," said Loretta Vega, AA specialist with Las Cruces Public Schools.

Las Cruces Autism Education at Home was created for parents who were struggling with specific issues to get help from professionals who work in the field, Vega said.

"If there were specific things they were having issues with, they could contact us through that Facebook page. We would set up Zoom meetings with them to help them with the struggles they were having and give them resources to work out at home," Vega said.

They also tried to keep the normalcy of school with that Facebook page. Vega said she'd do daily read-alongs live and tried to do things that were interactive.

"We tried to read a story that either a parent had suggested or something that their child was interested in, and then I went ahead and used my son as the model to go through it so we had visual schedules and things to follow through for everyone to go through on that," she said.

They also set up other resources for families to use at home during the school closures.

Vega said she's working to set up some of the district's training videos from the curriculum that they're using online for parents so they can learn how to set up classrooms in the home.

"Some parents are doing fine. But, of course, we have parents who are struggling. The parents that are struggling, we're really trying our best to pool our resources together to help them as much as we can via Zoom or via teleconference," Vega said.

Bethany Freudenthal can be reached at bfreudenthal@lcsun-news.com, 575-541-5449 or @bethanyfreuden1 on Twitter.

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This article originally appeared on Las Cruces Sun-News: A Las Cruces family's experience with autism during a pandemic

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