'Your absence is destroying me': Remembering 34 local Hoosiers lost to domestic violence

Mourners gathered in a small northside chapel Tuesday evening to remember the dozens of Hoosiers lost last year to domestic violence.

The Indianapolis-based Domestic Violence Network, which seeks to raise awareness of and end domestic violence across the state, hosts the annual memorial. The number of people honored Tuesday was the highest in recent memory, according to advocates.

Of the at least 74 Hoosiers who were killed in domestic violence incidents between June 1, 2020, and May 31, 2021, at least 34 were from Marion or the surrounding counties.

The oldest was 77. The youngest just 7.

"All of those people, everyone who's lost their life to this, they did not deserve what happens to them," Ash Rathwell, training services manager for the Domestic Violence Network, told IndyStar before Tuesday's service. "No one deserves to be treated like that in their relationships, no one deserves to experience that kind of abuse in any regard."

Amber Jaquez stood at the front of the small chapel, pouring her heart out as she described the sense of devastation she's carried each day since her sister, Autumn Garay, was killed last November.

Jaquez shared a letter she wrote to her little sister.

"I have asked myself every day: why?" Jaquez read. "Why was my best friend taken from me, and why do bad things happen to good people? Why did you leave me when we promised each other we never would?"

Jaquez and her family have worked bring awareness to the realities of domestic violence in the roughly 10 months since her sister's death. Garay's boyfriend, Brenen Mosley, is charged with murder and criminal confinement. He's scheduled to go to trial in December.

"Your presence has always made me strong," Jaquez continued, "but, Autumn, your absence is destroying me."

Speaking briefly to the attendees at Tuesday's service, Domestic Violence Network Executive Director Kelly McBride said the increase in deaths between 2020-21 was "staggering." Eleven people were honored at 2020's service. In 2019, there were 16.

Rathwell said local service providers have seen a sharp increase in calls for help regarding domestic violence since the pandemic began. But a report released earlier this year examined the overwhelming need domestic violence service providers experienced long before COVID-19 gripped Indiana.

The report, released by the Domestic Violence Network, analyzed data reported by service providers across Central Indiana, including Marion, Hamilton, Hendricks, Hancock, Boone, Johnson, Madison, Morgan and Shelby counties and the Indiana Coalition Against Domestic Violence between 2018-19.

The state's data center shows there were over 22,000 domestic violence and domestic battery arrests across the state between 2018-19, according to the report, over 7,500 of which were in Marion County.

More: Report illustrates strain placed on Central Indiana domestic violence service providers

On any given day, there were over 1,800 victims/survivors served by direct service providers, according to the report, but there are at least 182 requests for services that go unmet. One unspecified emergency shelter provider reported having to deny space to over 2,100 individuals over the two-year period.

Roughly 1 in 5 people experiences domestic violence at some point during their lifetime, Rathwell said, and advocates believe around half of all cases go unreported. To Rathwell, seeing and hearing the 34 names honored at Tuesday's service is a reminder the work must continue.

"I do hope that people do realize that domestic violence is dangerous," Rathwell said. "I hope that everyone knows that everyone does deserve safety, respect, healthy relationships and no one should experience abuse in their relationships."

At the end of her letter to Garay, Jaquez made her a promise: Garay, she said, will never be forgotten.

"I promise," Jaquez wrote in her letter, "to love and treasure you every day I have left until I make it to you."

To conclude Tuesday's service, Jaquez read each of the 34 names. Fathers, mothers, sisters, brothers whose lives were tragically cut short.

After each name was read, attendees were asked to light a candle in their remembrance.

And then pain washed over Jaquez's face. Eyes fixed toward the back of the chapel, she took a shaky, deep breath and blew it out slowly.

Steadied, she leaned closer to the microphone: "My sweet, sweet Autumn Garay."

If you or a loved one are in immediate danger, call 911 for help. For additional information or support, contact one of these local or national resources.

The Julian Center

The Julian Center, located at 2011 N. Meridian St., offers a safe haven for survivors of domestic and sexual violence. To learn more about supportive services or to contact the 24-7 crisis line, call 317-920-9320. For more information, visit juliancenter.org.

Domestic Violence Network

The Network's website, dvnconnect.org, includes information for immediate resources, locally and nationally.

Children's Bureau + Families First

Counselors will work with you and family members to create a safety plan, help you with stress management and communication and talk about the signs of addictive relationships and violence. Call 317-634-6341 and ask to speak with a program assistant for domestic violence services. For more information, visit familiesfirstindiana.org.

Indiana 211

Hoosiers can call 211 or 866-211-9966 to be connected with resources and advocates near them 24/7. Learn more at in211.communityos.org.

National Domestic Violence Hotline

The Hotline has representatives available to speak to victims and survivors 24/7. Call 1-800-799-7233 or log to speak to someone. If you're unable to speak safely, log onto thehotline.org or text START to 88788.

You can reach IndyStar reporter Holly Hays at holly.hays@indystar.com. Follow her on Twitter: @hollyvhays.

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