LGBTQ+ Lives Here: PFLAG offers support for parents, loved ones of LGBTQ+

Apr. 21—Selinsgrove PFLAG is a support group that is available for parents and families of those in the LGBTQ+ community.

St. Paul's United Church of Christ is a supporter of the Selinsgrove PFLAG Support Group, which functions under the umbrella of the Danville PFLAG Chapter and functions as a non-faith-based organization independently of the church. PFLAG is a national organization working since 1973 to create a caring, just and affirming world for LGBTQ+ people and those that love them.

"PFLAG has lots of resources to help LGBTQ+ people and families understand what is going on, handle different situations," said Selinsgrove resident Chanin Wendling, facilitator of the Selinsgrove PFLAG support group and mother of a transgender daughter. "They advocate for LGBTQ+ people. They have a significant website with lots of resources that can be helpful in having conversations with family, dealing with work situations, dealing with partner situations, whatever you would need."

The group has online parent discussions and support groups as well as a series of online sessions with speakers. There are online and in-person options. They also participate in pride and community events, she said.

"These are places for people to get together and talk through whatever is on their mind and issues they need help with," said Wendling.

Darcy Decker, president of PFLAG Danville, said the organization is transitioning to its new name Central Susquehanna Valley PFLAG to reflect its broad service area of several surrounding chapters.

The physical locations and times of meetings are not disclosed publically, said Decker.

"We like to keep a safe space for security reasons," she said. "We also don't share Zoom meeting links publicly for the same reason. Maybe this will change in the future by a group decision."

The local chapter was established in 2017 and serves several counties with in-person and virtual peer support groups, online resources, social and educational activities and a lending library, said Decker.

"PFLAG National also provides online groups for families whose background is Black/African American, Asian Pacific Islander, military, or those who speak Spanish," said Decker. "There is also a group whose children are neurodiverse. Although founded by parents for parents, our chapters welcome other family members, allies, and members of the LGBTQ+ community 18-plus years old. PFLAG does not serve youth directly, but works to improve their lives by supporting their families and educating the community."

When Wendling's daughter came out at age 13 as trans, Wendling said she accepted her daughter's new identity but went through a period of mourning. It's a topic that still brings Wendling to tears.

"There were some sad things," Wendling said. "We didn't want to forget the years of her life before. For her, changing the name was important. We wanted to remember those times. That's probably been the hardest thing, is just wanting to respect her wishes but also remember the wonderful kid she's always been."

One Christmas, Wendling's daughter wanted to throw away stockings and ornaments with her old name on them. Wendling quickly ordered new Christmas items from Etsy with her daughter's new name on them, but couldn't bring herself to discard the old items.

"I kept those things," she said. "They're not part of her life anymore, but it's still part of mine."

Wendling encouraged parents to not let their fear override their love for their child. She said to get help, support and therapy to support the journey.

"For lots of parents, it's very scary," said Wendling. "They worry about the world is going to treat their kid. They also worry about how their friends and family are going to see them, the impact it's going to have on their lives. That can cause you to have some unloving behavior. You don't win your kid that way. Trying to force your kid to be something they're not, trying to force your kid to be something you want them to be but they don't want to be, it's never going to work out well."

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